The Crazy Things We Do For Love…

Tomorrow I fight.  I have a nice shiner from training and I am beginning to worry that the Doctor will not let me in the cage.  I am getting desperate.  I want to Fight.  I am told to hard boil an egg and rub it on the bruise, that the color will be soaked into the yoke.  My reasonable mind does not believe this but my hopeful self is willing to try anything.

So I cook eggs and peel them and wait for them to cool just enough so they do not burn my skin.  I then stand in front of the mirror and roll an egg over the black and blue.  I am thinking these are free range grass fed organic eggs… fancy eggs… I should be eating them… these premium quality eggs.  With my second try I have developed some technique.  I have found my rhythm.  It is less sloppy.  It feels oddly nice.  But the results are disappointing.  I am still purple and the yolks are still yellow.

Tea bag.  Massage the area with a warm tea bag they say.  My reasonable mind is beginning to think all these tricks are simply saying to bring heat to the bruise and massage the old blood out.  This makes sense.  So I lay with a heated pad over my eyes then massage then heat then massage then heat etc etc etc and while I am doing this my insanity returns.  I am thinking about how I should take a needle to the little pocket of fluid that bubbles out at the corner of my brow near my temple.  Drain it like cauliflower ear.  For some reason this seems like a good idea.

I consult my nurse friend, Mimi.  She says, No. 

Well shit… I was hoping she would say, Oh yeah no big deal stick a syringe near the corner of your eye and suction out all that extraneous squishy stuff.

I spend the rest of the day alternating between ice packs and heat packs.  I am massaging the little swelling and thinking if I cannot puncture my face from the outside to free the goop then maybe I can push it around enough to create a hole on the inside of my head so it has somewhere to go.  

What did I just say?!  Really?!  "punture my face"? "hole on the inside of my head" ?

It is official, I am certifiable.  I am insane. 

Before I got hitched to Fight I would have said, Not even when pigs fly would I ever, to all of it.  I begin to laugh at myself as I think, Oh goodness me the crazy things we do for Love…